Don Nations - DNA Coaching

Here is an excerpt from Don Nations latest newsletter.  If you want to subscibe it is free.  Google Don Nations, DNA Coaching:  http://dnacoaching.com.  I always enjoy their e-newsletter.

The Heart of Hospitality

As you likely know by now, I am a firm believer in the science of hospitality – greeters in the parking lot, greeters at the door, great refreshments before and after the service, awesome signage, wonderful printed material, etc. along with an inspiring worship service in a well-cared for facility. All of this is important and needs to be addressed. I am also, however, a firm believer in the heart and art of hospitality. A warm person with an open heart can be just as impressive as a large lobby with great décor. A person who gets to know the names of first time guests can be better than gourmet coffee. Treating guests like you are expecting them and are truly glad they came can make a bigger impact than a smiling face in the parking lot. Every church can do something to strengthen its hospitality system. The goal is not to be a clone of another church but, instead, to offer the best hospitality you can in your setting. What will you do this Sunday to make guests feel even more welcome?

Why Do You Want Transformation?

What is your motivation for wanting transformation? I have heard church people say things like “we need new people to help pay the bills”, “we want children in worship because it makes us not feel so old” and “it would be great to have more people because I hate seeing this building so empty”. While these things may be true, are they really the heart of transformation? At its core, transformation is important because: • God desires to be in relationship with all people through Jesus • Jesus lived, died and was raised so that all could experience eternal life, both in this life and in the life to come • The Christian life was designed to be lived in community and the local church is the vehicle through which this is to happen (in spite of it being imperfect) • The message of Jesus is life-changing and is meant for everyone A church can take a lot of actions to move towards transformation. These acts are given life and power, however, by a heart that longs to see more people experience the grace, love and power of Jesus.

Truth versus Facts

Today my husband wrote his blog that can be found at:  www.jondisburg.com.  He wrote about the various versions of history.  That reminded me of a great lesson I have learned in my work on a Doctor Of Ministry through Drew.  Carl Savage has written a book called Narrative Research in Ministry that guides our work.

At the heart of my research project will be hearing stories.  Asking evocative questions and remaining totally neutral to allow the individuals being interviewed to tell their stories.  In listening to their stories one important thing I will need to remember is that each persons story is the truth.  Their story may not be factual but it is their truth.  Do you hear the difference?

I wonder if many of the conflicts in our world wouldn't be solved if everyone realized that each of us has our own truth which may not be the facts.  Each person's story is valid and valuable.  In the courtroom where responsibility for a crime is being determined - facts are important.  The courtroom would not be an appropriate place to share my story about what happened.  I would be asked to share the facts of what I know.

Think about people you have had conflicts with in the past.  If each of you had stopped to acknowledge the validity of each others stories (versions of the truth) perhaps there would not have been a conflict or you might have been able to resolve your conflict quicker.

My story can be influenced by my past or family situation or any number of factors.  As a child I may have been cheated in a way that had a lasting impact on my life.  Therefore as an adult when I relay stories of being cheated, I may have stronger feelings about what happened and even exaggerate what I see as the truth.

Often there are conflicts in the church that could be easily resolved if we were to listen deeply to the narrative (story) each of us has to tell.  Deep listening involves hearing behind the words, wondering what has happened in another person's life that causes them to see things the way they do, or even listening to what they are not sharing.

None of us are trained therapists but we can become better Christians by acknowledging the validity and value of the truth we each share.  As we value the other person's experience as their truth we become less judgemental and realize there is not one version of the truth.  Yes there is one set of facts but often we aren't dealing with facts.

Listen deeply.  Look beyond the surface.  Love beyond measure.

Glimpses of God's Preferred Future for the Church

Recently I have heard a number of new ministries happening that felt to me to be what God would prefer for the future of God's church.  Most of them were getting the church to move out in to the community.  Here are some things I have heard:
 
Bible study in a coffee shop, bar, home, book store...
Worship outdoors for the homeless,
Fasting from using the church building,
A church offering it's resources to a segment of the population and working around their schedule not the  
          church's schedule,
New churches that begin as small groups in homes and never plan to build a building,
Churches that partner with community services,
Church is a Verb Sunday where one church offered to clean toilets in businesses around town,
Rummage sale where everything is free unless you want to make a donation,

I am sure there is a very long list out there.  These things give me hope for the future.  Hope that Christians may be thinking of others and how to reach them.  Do you know of any ministries that belong on this list?

Leila   Check out this website:  http://www.umvitalcongregations.org/

Blessing Practices

Last week I wrote my weekly article for the conference e-newsletter.  I talked about blessings.  I was looking for blessing practices.

Here are a few of the suggestions I received:

 ********************

I kept a journal for a few months a few years ago jotting down where I

saw God throughout my day. But, alas, I soon got distracted by life
and raising four children that I began neglecting the 'holy habit'. I
have found that when I partner with someone or a group that I have
much more 'stick-to-it-tiveness'.
 ******************************
There was a time when I was quite depressed and I started a gratitude journal and I couldn't believe how much my mindset changed after a month.  I wrote 5 things that I was grateful for each day == sometimes I had a hard time coming up with things, so I'd write even the most insignificant like the color green, or toilet paper.  After 30 days, I started to feel better and realized that I was looking at the world more positively.  The power of positive thinking!
 *******************************
I agree that it is very easy to see the glass half empty.  Especially in these hard times for mainstream churches.  Last November I was contemplating what I had to be thankful for and ended up posting something large and small every day on my facebook page.  I was amazed and gratified by the number of things I could count as blessings.  I have always thought it would be a good idea to keep a written journal but have never followed through.  The facebook posting actually gave me feedback from friends and family which was an incentive to think about the many small things that I have been given that I take for granted.  Any way that works is a good way to pass along that fullness that we are so richly blessed with.  I would be happy to be part of a greater body of thankfulness.  Let me know what others report works for them.

**************************************

One of my favorite ways of listing my gratitudes is by using the alphabet, each letter in turn.  It's a great way to add some variety and structure.  I use my ABCs when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep.  The gratitude list works every time.

****************************

For years I have engaged the ancient practice of examen, which is the last thing that I do each night. You are probably familiar with it. My practice is quite simple. I ask myself two questions, in this order, and framed in attitude of gratitude and blessing:

1. For what am I least grateful today?
2. For what am I most grateful today?

Then I give back to God the gift of the day. This follows Paul's challenge in I Thessalonians, "in everything give thanks." It is a good way to count blessings and I fall asleep in a very positive mode.  It's very simple and short, but as I said, I've practiced it for many years.
 ***************
Blessings to all,  Leila

Psalm Written by Leila Disburg and Peter

First Psalm I have ever written.  Classmate Peter and I wrote this for class.   It is unique because it is written from a woman's perspective.


We praise you O Lord
     for your goodness and mercy.
You are the creator of life
     the giver of every good and perfect gift.
For nine months I felt the growth
     Of your gift.
Even in the pangs of childbirth
     your joy overwhelmed me.
Now I hold this small person
     who I dedicate to you. Selah

Wow, that was a great tip

I made it to Washington DC for my visit with the General Board of Church and Society.  No major problems with flying other than circling the airport due to bad weather.  Pretty smooth travels.

However, I am not sure I should be trusted in big cities.  I took a taxi from the airport to my hotel.  My driver was a very nice man and we had a great visit.  We got to the hotel and I went to pay him and he got a big surprise.

I was holding $21 in one hand cause I knew that would cover the fare and the tip.  In my other hand I was holding $40.  I handed him what I thought was the $21 and his immediate reaction was "oh mam this is too much".  I thought "wow hasn't he ever gotten a $5 tip before.   He kept saying too much and I did not get it until later.

While checking in to the hotel I opened the hand with the $40 in it to get change for tipping and guess what?  I had $21.   I had given the taxi driver $40 for a $16 cab ride.  No wonder he said it was too much.  At first I was kind of mad at myself but then I began to smile.

Can you imagine how that made him feel?   I can hear him telling the other cabbies the story of his big tip.  He knows I am from Alaska so I wonder if he knows view Alaskans as generous people.  What I really wish I could tell him was that I am a Christian and we are generous people because God is a generous God.

I know my first cab ride in Washington DC was possibly a loss of $20.  I view it as God helping me to be generous.  Hopefully that cab driver was reminded of the God who loves him so much that he not only had a lady from Alaska give him a generous tip but that God loved him so much to send the only Son to live, love and die for him.

What does God feel?

     Recently I got to visit my oldest daughter Meghan and her husband.  I cannot describe what a wonderful visit it was.  We had a good time, we talked about many things and it was wonderful to see my daughter all grown up in her own home.   Ahhhhhh.
     There really is not a better feeling than to spend time with grown up children and feel so happy that they did listen to you about some things.   It is also great to realize they did not pick up all your bad habits but have thought through and learned many better ways than you taught them.
     As I was reveling in this amazing brief visit I began to wonder if God as our parent feels this way.  The day that I finally get it and let go and allow God to be in charge - what a proud parent God must be.  Or when God and I have a conversation where I don't do all the talking but I deeply listen to wisdom from the one who created me.
     Of course when you think this way about parenting, your own children and God your parent - you can't help but remember that there were days when you wanted to disown your children.   Then I begin to imagine God's head shaking as I (for the umpteenth time) do something really stupid.   God must be so hurt when I have turned my back and knew that I could do things better my way.
     The ultimate satisfaction of being a parent is knowing that no matter where your child has been or what they do - you love them.  You may not like how they are behaving or agree with the decisions they are making - but you love them unconditionally.
     As I breathe in that feeling of love that is bigger than my lungs can handle I remember that God must feel the same way about me and you.  Even when I am struggling God loves me, accepts me and loves me way to much to leave me the way I am.   Wow.
     Today my heart takes me one step further.  What about all those beautiful children of God who don't know how much they are loved?  My heart longs for the people I sit and watch in airports who are not happy, who treat family members badly, and don't like themselves.   I long to have them know the feelings I have felt when I realize how much God loves all of creation and like a good parent wants only the best for us.
     How will I share that kind of love with the world?  How will you let people know how God feels about them?  How will we, the church, reach out and enfold the world with God's love?  I end with the prayer that God will help open my eyes to the way.  Amen.